Last week we started talking about managing conflict at work.
Let’s look at some ideas for surviving conflicts and managing difficult relationships.
See opportunities not hurdles
When your ideas about how the job should be done clash with someone else’s, or their working style is in conflict with yours, you should see this as a normal challenge in the workplace. It is also an opportunity, a chance to use mature communication and an open mind to sort things out.
Avoid dead ends
There is no need to take a conflict down a path the leads to a dead end. If you cannot compromise and respect one another’s views, you’ll need to get creative about how the issue might be solved.
Talk about your difference in views as an external issue to who you are. Rather than saying, ‘well you and I are just too different, I like things done thoroughly’, you might say, ‘we have different ways of doing things but I really hope we can work together so we both get a good outcome’.
Remember, how you feel when these conflicts first happen is very different to how you will feel the next day, week or month.
Avoid gossip – go straight to the source
A golden rule for reducing conflict in your workplace is to avoid becoming part of a group who spend their breaks bitching and moaning about their employer or colleagues. Nothing is more tragic or a bigger waste of time.
Most events should be ignored, acted on, or passed up the chain. Take action rather than getting stuck in victim mode. This kind of negative gossiping is a sign of immaturity and it ruins work cultures. Distance yourself from this and develop the reputation of someone who never speaks behind other’s backs–it will serve you well.
As tempting as it may be don’t talk the conflict over with others at work it is better to talk it through with the person themselves. If you must do some ‘necessary debriefing’ choose one person you trust, ask them not to repeat it, and look for constructive solutions.
If you do need to take the issue it further, take it to the right person (your manager or the HR department) rather than a friend. Have some documented evidence and professionally ask for assistance.
Keep calm
If conflict arises you don’t have to react immediately. Often we want to escape uncomfortable feelings so we will fire up and confront someone, even though we are well aware they are angry. Or we go and tell others what has happened thereby enflaming the situation.
If in doubt say ‘I need time to think this over‘ – it’s actually a good strategy to let things calm down over time.
Some of us see the workplace as battleground where only the tough survive. In reality it’s less ‘Lord of the Flies’ than that – it’s the self aware, mentally healthy people with a sense of humour who survive the best – in fact they thrive. Part of that laid back approach is privately acknowledging, but allowing potential conflicts to pass by when they really aren’t important.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Ask yourself if the issue is actually important? Does it really warrant the need for conflict and resolution?’
In retrospect it is often the feelings that remain unresolved and the poor behaviour that is remembered causes more damage than the original issue.
Take some time to increase yourself awareness. You might think to yourself, ‘hmmm…that felt like an insult but you know what you’re like, just give them the benefit of the doubt’.
Work will be 10 times easier if you do. 90% of the time the situation passes and we all move on.
Working it out means talking it out
Be non-combative, use a pleasant tone and take responsibility for your part of the problem. The key is being respectful and having the confidence that you can work through the problem. If it feels like it’s turning ugly (into a win/lose power struggle) try to bring the tensions out into the open.
It is appropriate to say ‘I feel like our different approaches are causing some tension between us. I would really like to have a chat about it’.
Not many people can resist open honest communication delivered in a pleasant voice. It’s when we make snide comments, smart retorts, and mirror other people’s conflict behaviour that problems really start. You might think that if they aren’t going to behave well then neither will you?
Here are 3 good reasons:
- So you can sleep soundly knowing you are not compromising your behaviour
- So those around you can see what a good communicator and team player you are (people notice)
- So the person behaving badly has no fuel to continue their escalation toward conflict
Use the comments box below to let us know any tips and ideas you have for managing conflict at work.
For information on how En Masse’s suite of workplace education and training programs can help you build a healthier workplace culture and reduce conflict call us on (03) 9827 1388
